Picture the scene; it’s Christmas 2011, there’s Turkey with all the trimmings and all the joys that come toward the end of the year. Imagine the smell of meat fresh from the oven, bacon cooking, sage from the stuffing. Let’s not forget the taste of the pre-dinner sherry.

Achoo! Unfortunately I’m suffering from a cold, sinusitis and laryngitis all at the same time (lucky me) so I couldn’t smell or taste any of Christmas. I didn’t know at the time that I would never get my sense of smell or taste back.

I didn’t want to be a bother as I didn’t consider no sense of smell or taste an issue. There were plenty of times I was grateful that I was unable to smell things like rubbish. It wasn’t until I started my first job as a Pharmacy Assistant and realised that there were plenty of things I couldn’t smell or taste which could be a safety concern. We handled anaesthetic gases and if there was a leak, I wouldn’t be able to tell and could’ve been adversely affected.

On 15^th May 2014 I saw an ENT Consultant for the first time. He used a Nasendoscope to have a look inside my nose, he saw an inflamed lining but there was nothing obvious to show why I couldn’t smell or taste. He decided to place me on a short course of Prednisolone and Betnesol drops  and then review in 6 weeks time. I also needed to complete daily salt water rinses. I began feeling optimistic that maybe I could get some answers about my disorder but at least it now had a name, Anosmia.

I’d never taken much in the way of medication so having to take so many pills (the Prednisolone were issued in 5mg only so I was taking 6 tablets at a time) was very foreign to me. I completed the entire course but could feel no difference. Although the nasal rinses, helped in clearing the blockages, following the Nasendoscope, I got a head cold which ‘helped’ blocked my nose some more.

4^th June 2014, follow up review with the ENT Consultant showed no benefit from the prescribed steroid preparations. He performed another Nasendoscope and could see that I had very narrow nasal passages and bulky turbinates. He said that as the steroids didn’t offer any relief then we may need to do a Septoplasty to straighten my septum and reduce my turbinates to at least improve my ability to breathe (especially when sleeping). Before resorting to this, the Consultant decided to get some imaging of my sinuses, a CT Scan was booked.

After this recent clinic appointment, I was beginning to feel despondent about being able to recover any of my sense of smell or taste but as yet no reason had been given as to why I lost it in the first place. I waited for my appointment for my CT Scan.

29^th July 2014, my CT Scan appointment. I felt nervous as this is my first ever CT Scan . The appointment went okay (the machine was incredibly loud though) and I didn’t enjoy having to have my head strapped down but now I need to wait for the report to go back to the Consultant and book another appointment to see him for a follow up. I still haven’t felt any improvement in my smell or taste (but at least I’ve not got the head cold anymore).

27^th August 2014, another review with the ENT Consultant. The CT Scan showed significant congestion in my sinuses (which the steroids haven’t helped with) but at least nothing nasty. We once again discussed Septoplasty to straighten septum, reduce turbinates and drain sinuses but as there was also evidence of inflammation on the scan, the Consultant decided on a 6 week course of low dose antibiotics. I was prescribed a course of Clarithromycin and due for review once course finished.

My hope was fading fast that I could find an answer to how it happened and if I’d regain any of my sense of smell and taste. Again I persisted and took the total course although I now had my doubts that it would help.

29^th October 2014, yet another review with the ENT Consultant. Unsurprisingly, there was no change in my sense of smell or taste despite the antibiotics (although they did reduce the inflammation). We discussed surgery for the 3^rd and final time before deciding that this was our last resort, I understood that it may not improve my sense of smell but at least it would make it easier to breathe at night.

And so began the long wait for surgery. I felt anxious for the surgery to come but I no longer felt the hope or optimism that I‘d had at the start of this process. This was replaced by the beginnings of resignation that nothing would improve.

5^th December 2014, letter received from the NHS to advise they’ve received the request for surgery and will be in contact to offer dates (at least I knew they’d got the referral letter I suppose).

So another Christmas and New Year spent with no smell or taste. I didn’t know whether it had been better to be ignorant and hope that I would recover on my own, or know that there was an ever slimmer chance to regain anything. I was torn and my despondency was growing.

2^nd January 2015, excitement! Not one but two letters received from the NHS, one with an operation date, 9^th February 2015. Secondly, I also had a date for my Pre-Assessment, 29^th January 2015. I’m not sure how I feel about surgery but I’m prepared to follow through with it even if it’s just to get some relief.

It’s three days before my Pre-Assessment and I get another two letters from the NHS.  My admission on 9^th February 2015 has been cancelled, feeling disappointed I opened the second. However the other letter was an offer for another admission date, 16^th February 2015, yay me!

29^th January 2015, attended my Pre-Assessment where they did all the usual checks. I raised that my date had already been changed once and was advised that the Pre-Assessment would be valid for three months so we’d have time if it was cancelled (very encouraging).

16^th February 2015, I was up at 7am for a light breakfast of toast as not allowed anything to eat after 7.30am. I was allowed water, squash, black tea/coffee allowed up until 11am. I was checked into the department by 12pm. I sat and I waited… and I waited… others were called through… I  continued to wait, the Consultant came and I signed my consent form. I was hungry and nervous. Following my consent, I was waiting in a cubicle alone in the unit, when the nurse came through. After waiting for 6 hours from check in, she advised me that I was being cancelled. I called my Mum just as I started to cry from the pent up nervousness and anticipation. My Mum came through in time for the Consultant to meet us. He said that they’d run out of time and there were no beds in the hospital for me to wait. We advised him that this was the second time I’d been cancelled (I hadn’t even made it in the door the first time). He wasn’t aware of that and he then advised me of the three times rule so although they may try I can’t be cancelled again. I was devastated, frustrated and hungry.

The following day I received yet another letter from the NHS to give me my new operating date, 2^nd March 2015. This time I felt less optimistic and more anxious although they wouldn’t be able to cancel me this time.

2^nd March 2015, once again awake at 7am in order to have breakfast before 7.30am. And again arrived for 12pm admission. So began the waiting… and waiting… My Mum wasn’t allowed in the unit so was sat in the corridor outside. She intentionally sent people into the unit she knew (as a nurse herself) to check on me, although I didn’t know that until later. I was finally called through and prepared for surgery, gown and slippers (the latest hospital fashion). I walked past my Mum who waited in the corridor the entire time. It felt like one of the longest walks of my life. I was soon being anaesthetised and the next thing I knew I was waking up in recovery.

I felt awful. I was in pain so was given Morphine which then made me feel sick (this was resolved with an anti-sickness injection). I was again visited by a couple of Mum’s anaesthetic friends who she asked to check on me. Once I was more awake, I was moved around the corner in recovery and given a sandwich. I still felt ropey when I was taken back to the ward and according to my Mum I was one of the longest in recovery at two and a half hours. I was shaky and wasn’t feeling well but desperately wanted to go home so my Mum took me that evening.

I spent the next two weeks recovering,  unable to leave the house due to possible risk of infection (although for the first week I had to sleep upright in the lounge). It was a hard recovery and mentally it was even tougher.

6^th March 2015, received the next letter from the NHS offering me an ENT Outpatient Appointment on 27^th May 2015. This was subsequently cancelled as I was seeing the Consultant at his private clinic on 6^th May 2015. I tried to give myself time for my recovery but I felt so awful after the operation that I struggled to be optimistic.

Two months after the operation, I once again saw the ENT Consultant. I was informed that my airways were clearer but there was no change in my sense of smell or taste. The Consultant told me to continue with the salt water rinses but if there was no improvement then they had exhausted all the options available to me and I was stuck with Anosmia for life, “I’m sorry but there is nothing else we can do for you”.

I felt any hope and optimism disappear in that moment and it seemed like all the colour in my life went black and white. I was alone, with nobody I could talk to who would understand. There was nothing left for me but despair and it was as though I was just going through the motions and not letting anybody see just how much I was hurting inside. Even though my parents have been incredibly supportive, they have no possible hope of understanding the despondency I still feel when I go into Tesco’s and see the signs saying ‘New and Improved Recipe’. All I can think is I’ll never be able to smell or taste so what is the point?